So, revision is a hairy beast, because you don’t want to lose any of the good stuff, but often our rough drafts need a lot of work. First, let me identify the things I like about the first chapter (which you can read HERE), and then I’ll get into the things I want to change.
A few of the main things I liked about Chapter 1 (and, by the way, Chapter 1 was the last chapter I wrote during my first draft writing):
I like the tone I set—this is a quiet story, and I want to establish that for the reader
I like that I start with Alan because of his role in the story
I like giving the reader a good sense for the setting where the story will take place (another reason I decided to add this chapter)
I like the last line
That said, there are a few things I know I want to change (a few of these came as feedback from Maile, who read the chapter a few days ago). I’ll list them here and then talk a little more about them in the video:
The main thing I want to change is twofold: to have Alan speak with Jaida, and to have her presence represent a potential conflict for him and what he wants (I’ll talk about my reasons for this in the video) instead of a fulfillment of his plans
Check for thought verbs and get as close to Free Indirect Style (Close 3rd POV) as possible
Maile suggested it was creepy, the way he currently watched the girl, and that’s not my intention, so I need to address that
Better description of Jaida and her presence
Make sure I’m adequately introducing the hook that something long-planned is going to happen that day
Make sure any super-detailed descriptions I’m including are contributing to and related to the story
Finally, I really want there to be a connection between the Old Lady in the house and the lone rose bush, so I think I want to make that more obvious
Check out the video below where I review this plan and go into a bit more detail regarding the reasons for these revisions. Thanks for following along!
(As I mentioned yesterday, this Revision exercise, along with the revised chapters, is free this week to all subscribers—next week it will begin only going out to paying subscribers ($7 / month). Join by hitting the button below!)
Quick process question for you, Shawn...as you dig into this first chapter, have you already put some thought into identifying all the necessary setups/themes/hooks that are required for this first act? Is the goal to include those necessary details in this round of revisions so that by the end you'll have a complete "working" story with as many filled plot holes as possible?
I ask because I feel like my first acts are always so thin after finishing a first draft...mostly because I don't yet know how the story is going to progress or what setups will be necessary until I've actually completed the draft. How have you approached trying to fill this first act with the necessary setups? Do you edit as you go on the first draft? Are you adding them now? Are you still in discovery mode?
Hope that question makes sense! :)